Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
