Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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