How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
