My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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