Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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