D3 body, D1 cock
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
