i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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