omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
