I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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