Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
a search helicopter?!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
