I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
