You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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