if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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