You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
