an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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