I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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