and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
