Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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