how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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