Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
