I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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