Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
