i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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