is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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