when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
