Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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