so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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