i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
