shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I will be naked everywhere
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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