I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
