I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
