Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
