i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
