We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
