I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
