i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
