she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
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The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
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I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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