wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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