you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
