So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
