i already hear my dad disowning me
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
