Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize