A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
