Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
