Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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