So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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