I'm drive I can fine osifer
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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