No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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