Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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