I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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