Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
sex in a hospital.. check
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
