Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
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i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
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Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize