Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he was CRYING into my vagina
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
