I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
