NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
