You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
