I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
