thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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