Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
