girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
