so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
