She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You pole danced in your parka.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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