Well douche your snatch and let's go!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
