I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
