final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
