im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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