some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
