i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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