meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
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I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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