he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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