You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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