I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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