How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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