I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
