He uses pillows to masturbate.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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