his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
